Tyler Perry is one of the richest Americans in the film industry. His laugh-out-loud comedy styling leaves the aisles of theaters crowded with audience members rolling on the floor in fits of hysterics. He has directed countless plays in the Southern theater circuit, movies produced by Lionsgate, and has two TV shows on TBS.
But beneath the "good humor" is a darker side.
The Oprah-promoted-Christian-crossdressing-thesbian will stop at nothing to remove any cool accomplishment made by white Americans in the past 20 years.
That's right. He named one of his two TV shows after arguably the best white hip hop group ever. But he didn't stop there. He misspelled the name too. And the TV show (which I was initially very excited about) has absolutely nothing to do with being Irish, drinking Guinness, hanging out with Cypress Hill or bare-knuckle boxing.
So what gives?
After numerous unanswered phone calls and emails to Very Perry Films, I gave up. This asshole just didn't want to talk to me. Probably because I'm Irish. Obviously I'm not too offended because he likes dressing like a girl and that makes him a sissy. And he can't sell a single DVD outside of his home country. When I make my movie it's gonna be a whole lot better then anything T-Per made. And I won't need to dress like a girl. Therefore, I'm much cooler than Perry and if anything I should be ignoring his phone calls.
Ha. How do you like them apples?
Also, as a white guy I have a hard time relating to his characters. In fact, instead of learning to love their quirkiness I just assume that's the way black people are in real life. I was shocked the first time I slept with a black woman and noticed that her boobs weren't upholstered. It was a lot better than I thought. Some part of me just assumed beneath her dress would be a penis.
So not only is Perry taking away one of our few totally rad accomplishments, he sets us up for embarrassment. And he's supposedly a Christian?
Beyond that his work isn't funny and makes me feel embarrassed for the African Americans he embarrasses. If he ends up returning my calls (and I so choose to answer the phone) I will request that he stops sucking at everything he does (and shares some of his sucker-money with me.)
Friday, August 13, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Comedy Writing Partner
Every now and then I go on Craigslist looking for employment. Most people who use Craigslist are broke-ass suckers. The following is a true story.
Date: 2010-07-22, 1:13PM EDT
Reply to: gigs-yzftb-1857096617@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Listen up, pal.
You want to write comedy? Let me tell you I'm the guy you want to work with. I can make anything funny. That's my deal, I'm a comedian.
If you got any guts you'll take me up on this.
I charge $300 a day for my cutting edge critiques of society, sobriety and entertainment news. I make David Letterman look like a shit I took after eating too many granola bars with too much cocaine.
Wanna know who influences me? Your wife. When I banged her last night.
Anywhore, write back or something.
-Jesus Pescado
http://barrybrothers.blogspot.
P.S. If your wife gets pregnant don't contact me.
Wait: you want me to pay you?! You obviously didn't read the ad. Pass.
You won't make it anywhere in this business if you won't settle for anything less than slave labor.
Got it?
If you're short on dough we can work something else out. Tell you what- I work for you one week and in exchange you can give me whatever kind of car you drive. Unless it's a real nice one. I'll give you two weeks of work for a beemer.
You're fucked. Stop writing to me.
Hey pal,
I don't appreciate the fowl mouth. Good luck on your no-talent script, ya bum.
But it's okay for you to talk about banging my wife and use phrases like "anywhore"? You are fucked.
Hey pal,
It's called great writing. Obviously you know nothing about great writing, great comedy, fine dining or fine art for that matter.
Next time you go to a museum and see a fuckin' Pollock on the wall and say, "Hey, my kid could do that" my point will be illustrated again.
Maybe you find that helpful, you putz.
Sincerely yours.
hahahahahaha. Fuck me, you actually ARE funny. Just not intentionally.
I try, what can I say? Too bad your broke ass can't afford to employ me.
Do you not what "not intentionally" even means?! Jesus H. you're a dimwit.
Comedy writing partner wanted (Toronto)
Date: 2010-07-22, 1:13PM EDT
Reply to: gigs-yzftb-1857096617@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Sketch comedy collaborator ad
I'm looking for a collaborator to work on an audio sketch-comedy podcast. I'd like to have at least six episodes written before getting voice actors involved. I know a lot of excellent actors who are interested in working on this.
Me:
* influenced by: Python, Blue Jam, Chris Morris, Fry & Laurie, Goon Show; Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel (Marx Bros); Mr Show; Firesign Theatre; Colin and Fergus's Digi-Radio; old radio serials.
* worked with various troupes around Toronto for over ten years
* prolific, hard-working
* easy to work with (constructive, believe in true collaboration, very little time for ego)
* excellent editor
You:
* interested in a face-to-face writing partnership. I'm not interested in online collaboration from afar, please don't try to convince me this is viable. I'm sure it is but it is just not the way I want to work.
* available for regular meetings, roughly once per week,
* understand how audio sketch comedy "works".
* desire to create something new and with substance and quality.
Details:
* I want to create an audio sketch podcast. I have all the equipment and technical background to make this happen.
* Payment: share of profits in any (from live shows later, etc.)
If you're interested, tell me about yourself, your influences, background. Also please include a sample script or two.
Cheers!
PostingID: 1857096617I'm looking for a collaborator to work on an audio sketch-comedy podcast. I'd like to have at least six episodes written before getting voice actors involved. I know a lot of excellent actors who are interested in working on this.
Me:
* influenced by: Python, Blue Jam, Chris Morris, Fry & Laurie, Goon Show; Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel (Marx Bros); Mr Show; Firesign Theatre; Colin and Fergus's Digi-Radio; old radio serials.
* worked with various troupes around Toronto for over ten years
* prolific, hard-working
* easy to work with (constructive, believe in true collaboration, very little time for ego)
* excellent editor
You:
* interested in a face-to-face writing partnership. I'm not interested in online collaboration from afar, please don't try to convince me this is viable. I'm sure it is but it is just not the way I want to work.
* available for regular meetings, roughly once per week,
* understand how audio sketch comedy "works".
* desire to create something new and with substance and quality.
Details:
* I want to create an audio sketch podcast. I have all the equipment and technical background to make this happen.
* Payment: share of profits in any (from live shows later, etc.)
If you're interested, tell me about yourself, your influences, background. Also please include a sample script or two.
Cheers!
- Location: Toronto
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
- Compensation: no pay
| hide details Jul 22 (1 day ago) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
You want to write comedy? Let me tell you I'm the guy you want to work with. I can make anything funny. That's my deal, I'm a comedian.
If you got any guts you'll take me up on this.
I charge $300 a day for my cutting edge critiques of society, sobriety and entertainment news. I make David Letterman look like a shit I took after eating too many granola bars with too much cocaine.
Wanna know who influences me? Your wife. When I banged her last night.
BAM!
Anywhore, write back or something.
-Jesus Pescado
http://barrybrothers.blogspot.
P.S. If your wife gets pregnant don't contact me.
| hide details Jul 22 (1 day ago) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| hide details Jul 22 (1 day ago) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
Got it?
If you're short on dough we can work something else out. Tell you what- I work for you one week and in exchange you can give me whatever kind of car you drive. Unless it's a real nice one. I'll give you two weeks of work for a beemer.
| hide details Jul 22 (1 day ago) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| hide details 6:44 PM (21 hours ago) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
I don't appreciate the fowl mouth. Good luck on your no-talent script, ya bum.
| hide details 12:30 AM (15 hours ago) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| hide details 2:12 PM (1 hour ago) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
It's called great writing. Obviously you know nothing about great writing, great comedy, fine dining or fine art for that matter.
Next time you go to a museum and see a fuckin' Pollock on the wall and say, "Hey, my kid could do that" my point will be illustrated again.
Maybe you find that helpful, you putz.
Sincerely yours.
| hide details 2:14 PM (1 hour ago) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| hide details 2:17 PM (1 hour ago) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| hide details 2:18 PM (1 hour ago) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
